MORE FUNNY STORIES AND JOKES
Remember, if you have any good joke that you think that will make my sides split or offend people, especially Bill Clinton, or even Tony F****g Blair (What an annoying little gimp, and I think many of you would agree with me), send me an email and I might put it on my web page.
And I suppose I’d better mention that if there are any complaints from you boring and un-humoured people out there I suppose you could also email me. But don’t expect me to change anything, I mean it, a lot of time went into this, and a lot of pain, especially in my f*****g side.
THE TWO STATUES
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven. "You've been such exemplary statues," he announced to them, "That I'm going to give you a special gift. I'm going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want." And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life.. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches. Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces. "You still have fifteen more minutes," said the angel, winking at them. Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, "Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I will crap on its head.
Horse and Chicken Story Good story...
THE GUY WHO LOVES BEANS
Once upon a time, there lived a man who had a maddening passion for baked beans. He loved them but they always had a very embarrassing and sometimes lively reaction on him. Then one day, he met a girl and fell in love. When it became apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "she is such a sweet and gentle girl, she would never go for this kind of carrying on." So he made the supreme sacrifice...he gave up his beloved beans. They were married shortly there after. Some months later, his car broke down on the way home from work and it was his birthday. Since they lived in the country, he called his wife and told her that he would be late because he had several miles to walk home. Being a little hungry, he stopped at a cafe. Before leaving the cafe, for his birthday, he treated himself to three large orders of baked beans. All the way home he putt-putted and upon arriving home, he felt reasonably safe that he had putt-putted his last. His wife seemed somewhat excited and agitated to see him and exclaimed "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for dinner tonight!" She then blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table. He seated himself and just as she was ready to remove the blindfold, the telephone rang. She made him wow not to touch the blindfold, until she returned, and ran off to answer the phone. Seizing the opportunity, he shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but was as ripe as rotten eggs. He took his napkin from his lap and vigorously fanned the air about him. Things had just returned to normal when he felt another urge coming upon him. So, he shifted to the other leg and let go. This was a prize winner. While keeping his ear on the telephone conversation in the hall, he went on like this for ten minutes until he knew the phone call was ending. He placed his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contentedly to himself, he was the picture of innocence when his wife returned. Apologising for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked; of course he assured her that he had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold and there was the surprise.... Twelve dinner guest seated around the table for his surprise birthday party..................
SEX CAN BE A REAL PROBLEM, ESPECIALLY IF YOU ARE BARBY AND KEN…